In Love

When she wants to be she can be so stupid. It’s her nature to be childish. Maybe it’s the way she was brought up. Sometimes she disgusts me, with what she says. Most of the time, she doesn’t even mean it. She just blabs out stuff in her childish irresponsible manner.

But god I love her. I love her so much. For when she’s sweet, she’s the sweetest. When she’s nice she’s the nicest. Never been loved the way she loves me. Never have loved the way I love her. The time, the money, the effort I put in this whole relationship, I never dreamt I was capable of such things before.

Maybe love does that to you. Makes you blind.

However, I believe that I’m perceptive by nature. I’ve stepped back and observed things from different angles. The first impression I get is a hopeless one sided love. But further scrutiny indicates its two sided. She just needs to grow up. To be responsible for her actions. Has to understand the consequences of all she does. For there are many.

Some day…. Some day she will learn. And when that does happen, I’m hoping that I will still be her man. I hope I can stay strong for that moment to come.

She has made me weak, Very weak. Weaker than I have imagined myself to ever be. If she leaves, she will regret that later in her life. That much is obvious. Having said that I know how self important and biased it must sound. But knowing what I have done for her, one wouldn’t think so. Taught her, loved her, tolerated her, been there for her through thick and thin, submitting to her every wish, every desire, the best I can. Sometimes in vain, sometimes not. Even sing her to sleep. But when she gets moody. She forgets all that. Everything and anything.

If she does leave me… she will find someone else… but will have a harder time accepting him. She will never settle down with anyone if she doesn’t learn. I just hope she learns it when she’s with me.

Repetitive as it sounds, I love her so much.

Don’t want to go into details but I have certain rare qualities that she cannot do without. One of the few who can tolerate her mood swings in the long run. Defensive? Yes. Very much so. But only because of the simple fact that if I don’t defend myself, no one else will. For NO ONE else knows the real situation. Only the two of us, and she’s still too young to see all that.

I have always thought blogs were for sissies. Online diaries. Look where I am now. Heh. Getting in touch with ma feminine side? I don’t know. Feels better though. Endless thoughts pouring out… only a fraction reaching my fingers and even less the keyboard.. Tiresome work this is…. Better call it a night.